drowning in you..

yep, its been a while
me and matt are doing goooood :)
i love him like nothing else hes everything. I'm so obsessed with him
almost 8 months.. love you baby boy :-*

dedicate it.. to my favorite lovaaa

fuck it all

hmmm its been a while, havent been doing much but hanging out with my best friend.. hah whats new : ) hes had such a change hes such a sweet guy, but yea in front his friends he can kinda be out of control and be a jerk but we're workin on that.
Hes going shopping with me and my mama today how cute, im getting pants for workkkk i start on tuesday owww! exciting. Then matthew is taking me tanning hehe hes been taking me lately what a cute kid. He bought my mas old 87 buick century aka "rosie" i had so much fun with that car just cause it was so ghetto, it was a 'rosewood' color like light brown with a tint of pink or something so if you can picture that..and um yea matt painted it black well, me weikert, faust, and not really chels and my man painted it. Then my matt and weikert spray painted the atreyu logo on the front in red. My family thought it was funny cause its been in our family for years and it was little innocent shit and now its f'ing black haha hmm. Yeaaa so its been so fucking nice hopefully momsie will buy me some tank tops and shorts : D yea i hate school the security gaurds are so fucking lame i wore a skirt one day and they all HERD around me hey are you gona go to the office YEA SHUT THE F UP omgggg it just looks short cause my legs are one of those longer pairsa legs yea so matty came with me to the office and i told showed them how its ilke 2 inches longer than my fingers but OHHH OHHHHHHH theyre trying to make a new rule.. we want it a litttle longer than your mid thigh oh suck it, its on my mid thigh but anyways i got to wear it and im gona wear it again they can lick my cheeks haha and then there sending a letter home to my mom i shoulda told them my mom bought it for me this is her favorite skirt suck itttt oh god they are fags anywasy whatever i always get letters sent home ive gotten like 5 and my moms like whats this and im like yea they mess up on that shit and shes just like oh. ok haha. so last night i went to a spaghetti dinner for volleyball, then kel brought me home and i followed my aunt and mom to my grammas cause i had to pick up matt at 9. Then my cousin and her skeez boyfriend and friend came with her.. actually her boyfriends pretty nice but anyways we went to the store to get tamber (my cousin) a application and yea matt was workin and i was like dammmn he looks so studly in his outfit mmmmm : P i love him alot hes sexy hah yeaa then so i went home from grammas oh and she gave me some money : ) so i went home and showered then picked matt up from work then got chipotle with it : ): ) i always get it whats knew, yea then we were supposed to go to harlanders but like usual she doesnt like having people over which she hasnt in a while but whatever her house is f'ing nice and her sister and mom were leaving to chicago. damn her she shoulda had us and the boys sleepover like old times : ) i loved that OH YEA speakin of chels her sister had a baby girlllll awwwwww alanah .. i havent seen her yet but hopefully soon how cute! yea so anyways after chipotle me and matthew went to his house and just watched some good old csi and i bitched at him for like 10 minutes to let me sleepover and all i got was "not tonight i dont want anyone to sleepover i just wanna sleep" im like kid so do i douchebag but whatever and hes like sometime you can im like ugh whatever he always used to let me now since he works he doesnt really want to anymore but oh well... anyways so im gona go eat the rest of my chipotle and call matthew then go shopping eee whatta day
and this is fucking long


love you <3

woo yeaaaaa so me and matt have been doing great for like the last couple weeks NO FIGHTING aah i think hes trying really hard because he really wants this, and of course i want this too i could never lose it, i really dont know what would happen if it would end ahh i love that boy, hes my fucking best friend no lie, love the kid! yea so i think im getting a job at little dukes in the coborns in sartell where matt works: )cause his mom is the manager of little dukes and shes gonna hire me, i just took some tests today and if i pass shes gona hire me : ) eeeee exciting i need a f'ing job, but im gona work with matts mom.. awkward but oh well this way we can bond more. I've been with matt for almost 6 months and thats on his birthday oh fun and anyways i havent really talked to matts mom much its been like hey how are you bye thanks yea but its never like big old conversations, so this way we can bond yee and some days i can work with matt, maybe not in the same area but in the same building at least fun yeaa and hmm so matt brought me home to get my car then i followed him to coborns and his mom set up the tests that i needed to take the math and the pep test, that took me like an hour then i gave it to one of the employees and then i went tanning and now here i am chillin waitin for matt to get off in an hour wee : )! hes gona pick me up and who knows what we're gonna do just hang out at his house and whateverr
yea but i think im gona go upstairs and just lay around and watch some tv for an hour


love you : ): )

mmm i FUCKING LOVE MATT haha ok so we're great perfect AWESOME last night he picked me up and aww he was really sweet and i duno he finally like talked to me like nicely like he does sometiems but he cant usually talk to me about things i duno so iliked it and he took me to leann chin and i got that and he had pacific wok and we went to his house.. and ate that and watched csi and ughh then i duno : ) we had some fun it was amazing i love that kid to death my god yea anyways im going to my cousins houseeee then grandmas then hopefully hanging out with my boo
: )



love youuuuuuu <333

woah, this is really weird me and matt almost broke up today cause really hes so mean he has temper problems.. all he does is call me annoying he never tells me shit cause its "none of my business" but its kinda funny cause when im gona do something he asks WHAT ARE YOU DOING WHO ARE YOU HANGING OUT WITH its like um you dont answer that shit when i ask you that so fuck that and he ignores my calls and when he finally answers hes like WHAT and he always makes me cry and its just terrible noone EVER should make you feel like that but he makes me feel like that.. so i text him after he hung up on me and i was like i cant do this anymore i cant be treated like shit everyday of my life i cry everyday because of you you make me feel so bad blah blah and he texts back and heslike no im sorry i love you let me try dont do this to me i cant lose you i love you so much i wont yell atyou anymore let me try please i love you
i think he really meant it and it made me cry he really does love me he proved it to me.. so im gona give it another chance and if we keep fighting constantly then thats the fucking end im sick of feeling like shit everyday i hate it so im giving it another chance.. and if he spazzes or yells at me i dont know what ill do ill probably just break down and cry cause thats what i feel like doing everydaybut we're hanging out after he gets off work so ill see.. ir eally want him to change i know he can be such a great guy i fucking love him so much he can be so sweet but he can just be a fucking jerk : ( ugh i hope this will work.. its almost a half year with me and him so exciting i dont wanna lose it..




I love you SO much<3

mmm so im cold and bored but im probably gona go to bed cause im tiiiired um i got chipotle today with mattthew i get it like once a week its nicee i like it and um i hate people theres very few that i like cause everyone else are just little bitches
yeaa so i have nothing to say tomorrow is last day of school then four day break tiight
k bye



LOVE YOU

today i relized matt really wants to keep this relationship taht we have.. aww i love it im so happy i love that kid with everything i have, he said hes never gona get sick of me and he says how he never wants us to break up could i say i love him anymore? yes.. icant get enough of this kid ill write about him everyday til i die ha hm soo i went to his house today and he seemed happy to see me he gave me a hug and matt weikert was there for a while but then he left, and it was just me and matthew and we watched tv and he squeezed me so tight like he never wanted to give me up ugh i LOVE YOUMATTHEW GENE SEIFFERT noone is better your perfect your the one your mine FOREVER

I LOVE MATTHEW i love him, ugh hes my favorite i love him! i cant say it enough nothing will ever change my mind, and he really loves me too i know it cause we both put up with eachothers shit and are still in love: ) he says im his princess and he calls me beautiful i love it i love him, i always need him by me yea it sounds psycho but whatever i can be however i want in front of that kid not kidding i fucking love it we are never breaking up this sounds gay but its soo real we both are crazy about eachother even though we dont tell eachother that we still know ive never been anything but shy in front of guys i like but with him its like, hes my best friend no matter what happens we get over things and move on cause we love eachother so much im glad i have what i have yea we fight but its only for like 5 minutes hah what couple doesnt fight? and our fights are over like stupid little things like getting jealous, or i always act like a baby to him i want him to hug me and he wont and then when he does i move away haha and we're both just stubborn but its ok, I LOVE THIS KID not even kidding im getting married to him i dont care what anyone thinks "yea right your only 16" but we both even said itll last a long time and we both feel like we found the right people and i feel like i could be with him for the rest of my life.. i never get sick of this kid and its weird to think that in the beginning i never thought hed be the one i fall in love with and i was worried what people would think for a while yea thats mean but its normal.. now i dont care i love him and i want everyone to know it fuck everyone who thinks differently of me just because of my boyfriend fuck them i dont care i love matt and thats all that matters hes always gonna be here for me ughhhhh I LOVE YOU MATT

yea woah this is pretty long and im sure not everyones gona read all of it ha whateverrrr


i still love you more than anything in the world
love your baby girl : )

yeah, im really f'in tired play volleyball allllllll day we got second though, it was really close yea and we got medals so i was happy : ) umm yea i hurt my OTHER toe now sweet i got two fucking sore toes..... and i wanna get surgery NOW my goddd mm yeah and um i havent talked to matt since like yesterday at like 4 and he said hes hanging out with anna and christina and then he'd call me and we'd hangout if it wasnt too late, he didnt call but i tried calling him like twice or something and i texted hima nd told him to come over even if it was late but he never answered. then i said where are you..never answered.. then i called him at like 12 today and i dont think he haed to work til like 3 or 4 and he never answered and he hasnt tried to talk to me at all yea hes frusterating but i stay with him cause someday i hope maybe he'll get better at how he is, i know sometimes he can be SUCH a great guy and i love it.. other times he acts like he couldn't give a shit so yeaa whatever anyways im gona fuckiung shower and then maybe hit the sackk so tired and sore
mhm

yeahhh so i havent updated in a while, break was um ok i smoked a couple times, got drunk a couple times the usual.. ha
hmmmmmm im fucking tired i had to get up at like 6 for volleyball but i was happy cause we got home at like 4 : ) we got third but it was messed up we should have gotten 2nd or 1st but oh well.. yea and we have ANOTHER tournament in foley tomorrow damnit my breaks over and my toe hurts sooo bad oh man i think im getting surgery in like may or june not sure though but whatever and yea i dyed my hair : ) actually chelsea did its black cherry i like it yeaa so um hopefully im gona do something with matthew today yesterday was 5 months for us.. woo hah next month is our half year and hisbirthday funnnnnn
yea well im gona go shower i smellll

ahh definatley tired and my fucking toe hurts, yes i have a bunion if you dont know what that is iits a weird growth in your big toe.. my toe is curving slightly ha but it still looks normal.. not too bad yet hopefully i wont have to get fucking surgery ehhhhh anyways i dont have much to say today except matt actually talked to me about things and was serious i really liked that and hopefully he can tell me more without me asking, anyways i just got home from volleyball practice and tired as helll so i think im gona go showerr and be off..

niiighty

im cutting trying to picture your black broken heart
love is not like anything
ESPECIALLY A FUCKING KNIFE



i want bert : )
.... : \

hmm yaa im fucking bored and im trying to do this linguistics paper i just cant quite focus on whats my problemmmmm?
anyways yea so i had a breakdown yesterday and noone seemed to care.. nothing new the only thing i have to talk to is this fucking thing sweet. ugh i cant say this enough i hate my life, i hate myself i hate how i look i hate how i feel i pretty much hate everything but when im around people its another story i dontget it i seem so happy in school but when i come home i just sit around and cry what the fuck is wrong with me counseling doesnt help, i cant take meds cause my moms afraid i would O.D on em' since my dads brother did.. : ( omg thats fucking sad one night on the way home from the cities for volleyball with my parents my dad put in his brothers tape of his music he was such a good singer and had good songs and it made me cry : ( poor guy why do things like that have to happen, poor mom why couldnt she find a better guy..poor dad why did he have to turn out the way he did.. he can be such a great guy but the alcohol really got to him ugh noone even knows half my shit ive been through and i dont even feel like explaining it all whatever.. i really need to fucking finish this shit so i can stop worrying about it ahh
later

ugh yea i so i fucking feel like shit.. i hate this
i know now that matt could fucking care less about me i pretty much told him im gona kill myself and what does he do just tells me that its gay, im crying and he doesnt care he doesnt give a fuck about anything noone does i have noone and not even my own boyfriend cares about me who the fuck can i talk to .... ugh im so stressed out fuck this maybe ill write more later..




this song makes me cry.. it never gets old : (

its like 9 in the morning and i get to stay home, i cant get back to sleep though but whatever. ughhh im sick and it sucks.
last night i got to see my baby boyyy : ) yea but i see him everyday so its nothing big, but we went to quiznos then came to my house then went to his house and just sat around. ugh i love that boy but he can be fuckin stubborn and rude sometimes. It seems like he doesnt care about my feelings either I dont know what I can do to get him to at least act like he cares. I've cried many times in front of him and he ignores it? i cant do anything for him to care i dont know ill have to give up sometime i guess. Hes the only thing on my mind all the time I cant get enough of him but i always feel not good enough for him, i always think there might be another girl he'll dump me for.. ugh i hope not hes all i have i couldnt be without him..
anyways i have to go to the counsler again tomorrow at 4 i dont get why i go it doesnt help anything, and my mom wont let me take meds whatdya know i love this fucking feeling. I hate feeling worried and not good enough for anyone i dont know what to do i hate bitching around and making me feel sorry for myself
yeaaa well i have more to say but i gotta go im gona try to go back to bed




love always

ahh well, this is the my first entry so not much to say. I needed something to talk to since I have nothing so I chose this. I'm sure noone will read this, its of course for my own writing pleasure. I'm bored and sick and it sucks and I just want to see my boyfriend : ( I love him so much I dont think he knows how much I love him and I'm always sorry when I'm mean to him I dont try I love him to death hes the only one for me and when hes gone (which i hope is never) ill have nothing left. It seems none of my friends hardly want to hang out anymore they arent such an interest to me anymore all i want to do is be with matt if i could thats all id ever do just be with matt everday for the rest of my life, ilove it. Of course I absoultly dread it when we fight but whatever people fight. It seems lame that i have to talk to this thing, but i dont think i really can talk to anyone not even my counsler i cant talk to matt i dont know howd he react to the things I'm thinking.
I feel like I'm such a failure at life I dont know what to do with myself, I want to do well in the things I do but I just cant seem to do that. The only one true friend it seems I have is chelsea i love that girl but sometimes I dont even know about her I dont know why. I mean i think i still have krista oh god i mean we were the best of fucking friends for 3 years we never fought and we were always there for eachother it was really like we were sisters we knew what the other one was thinking and we'd laugh at eachother even if the shit wasnt funny, I think we're still good friends and all but I'm for sure its not as good as it was before shes gotten to become good friends with two other people and she said she still wanted to be good friends the BEST of friends because things got a little difficult when matt became my first priority but we worked things out and i dont know i think things could get even better but when she does things with people who i think are my friends she doesnt invite me.. like some days she does but then somedays she doesnt and i dont know maybe we're just drifting apart like before..
but ugh.. noone knows how much im IN LOVE with matt theres nothing in this world that could stop me from loving him i fell in love with everything about him i loved his sense of humor, i loved how i do anything in front of him, i especially love how i can be myself around him i love it. Yeah im not always sure if he feels the same about me because he doesnt always ac tlike it but i know he loves me and im happy.
thats about the only thing in my life that makes me happy is my baby UGHHHHH I LOVE YOU.........!

well my hand is getting cramped and i need to shower so i can see my boyyy yayyyy : )!!!




loVE YOU